- Angular Momentum. It makes the world go ‘round.
- f(x)=x^2 + 3x walks into a restaurant and asks for a sandwich. “Sorry”, says the waiter, “we don’t cater for functions”.
- There are 10 types of people in this world. Those who understand binary and those who don’t.
- Why do programmers mix up Halloween and Christmas? Because Oct 31 == Dec 25.
- Mrs. Schrödinger to Mr. Schrödinger: What did you do to the cat? It looks half dead!
- Two atoms are walking down the street. One stops and says, “I just lost an electron!”
“Are you sure?” asks the other.
“Yes. I’m positive.”- There is no place like 127.0.0.1.
- A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. He asks the bartender how much. The bartender says, “for you, no charge.”
- Protons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.
- Dr. Heisenberg is stopped by a traffic cop who asks him, “Do you know how fast you were going?”
Heisenberg replies: “No, but I know exactly where I am”
The cop exclaims “You were going 95 miles per hour!”.
Dr. Heisenberg gasps, looks around and says “Where am I?”- Then there was the Mathematician who got a job at Social Services. He was an expert at integrating radical neighborhoods.
So, how many did you understand?
November 6th, 2009 at 3:17 pm
Ok, I’ll tell on myself. I didn’t get 4, 5, 10, and 11. Not too bad?
November 6th, 2009 at 3:21 pm
Ok, I got almost half of those.
This is why programmers, physicists, and engineers need to be kept shackled in their windowless cubicles……
November 6th, 2009 at 3:24 pm
The scary thing is I understood everyone of them.
November 6th, 2009 at 3:35 pm
marK,
That is why you need to be kept shackled in a windowless cubible.
With your internet connection cut…….
November 6th, 2009 at 3:42 pm
That’s the whole reason they stay in their windowless cubicles.
Who needs the real world, when you have dim lighting, a bag of chips, and DSL
November 6th, 2009 at 3:55 pm
MWS, the scary thing is, you wouldn’t NEED to shackle them. They’d stay there voluntarily…
Questions about the questions, for those who get them.
#4: Huh?
#5: Is this related to Carbon-14 dating? If so, I think I get it.
#10: I keep getting thoughts of Heisenberg compensators on Star Trek and wild-haired scientists in Delorians. Am I on the right track with this?
#11: I think I get it, but I don’t remember what a “radical” is in mathematical terms.
November 6th, 2009 at 3:58 pm
MWS:
You’re not getting rid of me that easy, my friend.
November 6th, 2009 at 4:01 pm
I got all of them. All of my kids, even the non-geek daughter, would get all of them.
For Richard, I will explain #4. Numbers have bases. We use base 10 because we have that many fingers. So your numerals are 0 through 9, and then 10 is (1 x ten + 0). So you can write “25″ as Dec 25 to show you are using decimal. Let’s say we all decided to not use our thumbs for counting (makes sense — they are different). Now your numerals would be 0 through 7 and the next number would be 10 (1 x eight + 0). That is Octal. Oct 31 is (3 x eight + 1) or 25 in decimal — Dec 25.
5 and 10 refer to aspects of quantum physics. Hit wiki for Schrodinger’s Cat and the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle.
11 refers to “integration” (which is part of calculus) and “radical” (which is one way of talking about taking roots) — both math concepts.
Fun list for Friday.
November 6th, 2009 at 4:02 pm
#5 has to do with programming.
== is the operation for comparing two variables, used for comparing numbers
in this case Oct 31 and Dec 25 are both string variables, meaning they are text values, not numbers. If you put that into a program, you’ll get that the values are equal. You would have to compare the string character by character (characters are stored as numbers) to correctly evaluate two string variables. That’s the joke.
November 6th, 2009 at 4:02 pm
I meant #4
November 6th, 2009 at 4:12 pm
I got all of them but #5. Well, I got number 4…sort of. I knew it had to do with changing the base, but I didn’t bother to actually figure out which base.
November 6th, 2009 at 4:12 pm
I only got 3, 5, 6, 8 and 9.
I’ve always been awful at math…
November 6th, 2009 at 4:15 pm
#4: Octal 31 has the same number value as Decimal 25. Hence Oct 31 == Dec 25.
#5: Way too complex to explain here. Here is one explanation.
#10: You’re getting warm. Heisenberg’s principle states that you can either know a particle’s velocity, or it’s location, never both. If you are inventing a “transporter”, you would have to counteract that principle. Hence the need for a “Heisenberg Compensator”.
#11: Integration and Differentiating are the two major operations in Calculus. Neighborhoods are areas on a number line. A Radical is the stuff under the square root sign.
November 6th, 2009 at 4:22 pm
Even with the additional information, I don’t know if I really get the thing with the cat. Please, don’t try to explain it, I don’t think I really want to know…
November 6th, 2009 at 4:39 pm
#14.
I don’t really blame you. You really only have to understand that Schrodinger had a thought experiment where it is equally likely that a cat dies or lives. Hence his wife’s comment about the cat being half dead.
November 6th, 2009 at 4:46 pm
Okay, I can’t take this anymore….. Gotta’ hijack the thread, for all of our sake.
Mitt Romney is a nerd.
November 6th, 2009 at 4:46 pm
Actually, I didn’t explain number ten very well in #15. Schrodinger’s thought experiment exploits a principle of Quantum Mechanics that would make the cat both alive and dead at the same time.
November 6th, 2009 at 4:55 pm
Whoever edited #14 (marK), it was probably for the best…….
November 6th, 2009 at 4:55 pm
I meant #16.
See, I suck at math.
November 6th, 2009 at 4:57 pm
Mitt Romney will not get the nominee. He is not conservative. He has no chance. The voter of Massachewsits don’t like him. He is a liberal. He beats his dog.
November 6th, 2009 at 4:58 pm
MWS,
What does that make Huckabee, the high school quarterback?
November 6th, 2009 at 4:58 pm
I am an egineer and interested in all kinds of sciences. I understood all of the jokes. Most of the jokes were even funny. Let me add one more:
The mathematician, the engineer and the biologist are traveling through Scotland by train. The biologist looks through the window ands witnesses a grazing sheep that appears to be black. He says to his fellows, “Look, sheep in Scotland are black.” The engineer responds, “You can’t say that! The only thing we know is that some sheep in Scotland are black.” The mathematician does not concur. He says, ” We only know for sure that there is a place in Scotland, where a sheep is grazing, of which one side is black…
November 6th, 2009 at 5:01 pm
20,
lol! I actually thought that was anonymous for a second and I was about to make fun of him/her for still going at it in a math nerd thread.
The part about beating his dog gave it away – the sentence was actually good English!
November 6th, 2009 at 5:02 pm
MPC,
“What does that make Huckabee, the high school quarterback?”
No, Huck was the studious kid who had to keep the jocks laughing to keep from getting stuffed in a locker.
November 6th, 2009 at 5:07 pm
We should give this post to all the Presidential candidates, and anyone who gets more than five has to quit.
November 6th, 2009 at 5:12 pm
Are you trying to disqualify a certain someone MWS?
November 6th, 2009 at 5:14 pm
MWS.#18
What are friends for?
November 6th, 2009 at 5:20 pm
A mathematician and an engineer (who were both widowers) both died and arrived at the Pearly Gates at the same time. St. Peter tells them, “I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is both of your wives made it. They are both inside eager to see you. The bad news is that every minute you can only get half way to her.”
The mathematician throw up his hands in despair. “That means I will never reach her!” cried he. “I might as well burn in Hell.” So he turned around and headed down to Hell.
The engineer told St. Pete, “I can get close enough for practical purposes”.
November 6th, 2009 at 5:20 pm
MPC,
“Are you trying to disqualify a certain someone MWS?”
Only the ones who geek out on Stephen Hawking books and argue about Star Trek technology.
It’s for the best. Any President like that, Vladimir Putin would be towel-snapping at an arms summit.
November 6th, 2009 at 5:48 pm
The business graduate asks, “What was the cost of that?”
The engineering graduate asks, “How did they build that?”
The physics graduate asks, “What are the dimension of that?”
The chemistry graduate asks, “What materials are in that?”
The philosophy graduate asks, “What is the meaning of that?”
The art graduate asks, “What were the builders saying with that?”
The history graduate asks, “Do you want fries with that?”
November 6th, 2009 at 6:00 pm
Heh, got all but 4 and 5 (though I assume 4 is something to do with changing the base).
November 6th, 2009 at 6:01 pm
Low blow, marK.
November 6th, 2009 at 6:02 pm
Oops…earlier my first response didn’t appear.
November 6th, 2009 at 6:19 pm
MWS,
Thanks. I knew you would appreciate it. (-:
November 6th, 2009 at 9:29 pm
‘The art graduate asks, “What were the builders saying with that?”’
I say this as a guy with an art degree (I have one in chemistry too). Pshaw at artists who like to think they are deep thinkers. Go back to your absinthe bottle.
November 6th, 2009 at 11:47 pm
Hey, I got all of them, but I had to double check No.7 to make sure I remembered right
I wish they would do these kinds of jokes at parties instead of pop culture trivia questions!
November 7th, 2009 at 12:01 am
#22….LOL…….Yes, and if you add in my legal training that includes cross-examining then you will know why my wife hates to talk to me sometimes
November 7th, 2009 at 12:13 am
I’d already heard most of these, but this version of the Heisenberg uncertainty principle was better than the way I heard it. Kudos.