April 30, 2009

Dear Diary,

I’m sitting near the Rio Grande, scratching this entry out on the back of a piece of sterilized bark.  I’ve been trying to keep to open fields, but Barack’s super-train isn’t ready yet and surprisingly, there aren’t many open fields between DC and Texas.  On the plus side, as the sun beats down on my forehead, I’m reminded of my days on Amtrak.  Man, it was something to be hot and sticky from the press of average American flesh.  Back then, I knew the people bunched together and suffocating me just wanted a job and a leg up.  Now, even the White House is too enclosed to stop the spread of HNV12DFHD11.   I just had to get out, to someplace safe.

I thought about staying, I really did.  You know,  FDR went on video-podcast during the 1918 pandemic to dance a jig and show Americans that, if he could overcome polio, they shouldn’t be so worried about a little sneezing.  It probably helped him with the Irish vote too.  But, this is worse than polio and, let’s face it, nowadays the Irish are too busy hanging out in bars to vote.

Anyway, I’ve been sitting here, just trying to remember that tearful goodbye with Jill.  I gave her a loving pat on the shoulder- with a 7 foot piece of bamboo- and a brave smile.  I’m hoping she makes it ok without me.  Even though it’s hard, being out here on my own, I’ve been through worse.  Like that time when Storm troopers water-boarded me to find out the location of the rebel fleet.  I told Bush all about it and confronted him on the use of torture.  I just walked right up to him and said, “sir, I know you think you’re being strong, but real strength comes from within”.  He was pretty chastened and, to tell ya the truth, I think that was the moment he decided not to run for a third term.

A poor gringo- god love im- beeps at me as he drives up in a busted jeep.  My Spanish is a little broken, but I think he’s asking me if I want a ride across the border.  I think I’m going to tell him yes and end this entry here.  I just hope he doesn’t beg me for any cash- I dropped a buck 12 and a forever stamp in the collection plate, last Mass.